Tracey Grove

Alumni Author Spotlight Q&A

	Photo courtesy of Tracey Grove

Tracey Grove spent nearly 20 years in communications at Microsoft Corp. first in the U.K. then at Redmond. When she left the company in 2018, she was the director of communications for inside sales.

Now she’s the owner of Pure Symmetry Coaching and Consulting, where she helps her clients with executive communications, personal brand development, public speaking and becoming better leaders.

She’s just published her first book, “Taming the Sabertooth: Resilient Leadership in a Stressful World,” where she aims to help even more people face the stresses of work and life, tackle them head on and become better leaders through the journey.

“When I see people have an aha moment, or have a weight lifted off their shoulders, it is incredibly rewarding,” the 48-year-old Redmond resident said. “One of the reasons I wrote my book on resilient leadership is to reach a wider audience, and hopefully help more people to build resilience and optimism in this increasingly challenging world.

“If I can make a difference for just one more person in doing so, I’d consider that a success.”

We caught up with Tracey to talk about stress and leadership, the importance of making mistakes and taming the sabertooth in your life.

Quick synopsis of your “Taming the Sabertooth: Resilient Leadership in a Stressful World:” The sabertooth has evolved. Unfortunately, our response to it hasn't. Until now. Throughout human history, we have had to deal with physical threats in our environment.

When a hungry sabertoothed cat saw us as a delicious snack, we had a split second to decide whether to fight an opponent we stood no chance of defending against, run in the opposite direction, or hide behind a rock attempting to be invisible. This is the fight-flight-freeze response hardwired into our brains that is activated in response to any perceived threat.

At a time when there is significant anxiety both at home and in the workplace, it is critical for us to understand how our bodies react to stress, why stress is a necessary element of our lives, and how we can better cope with it to become better leaders.

In “Taming the Sabertooth: Resilient Leadership in a Stressful World,” we are reminded that while we cannot necessarily change our environment, we do have the power to shift our response to that environment by building resilience.

Hiding behind a rock is not an option; to thrive in work and life, you have to tame the sabertooth. The fight starts now.

Who should read it and why they would love it: Increased competition, longer working hours, and higher performance expectations are all contributing to a stressful work environment. And the news at home isn’t much better. Digitization and always-on technology have blurred the boundaries between our work and personal lives, removing the natural buffer between them and costing us our health.

This book is for anyone looking to develop the ability to deal with ambiguity, change, and adversity with courage and grace. If you are a leader struggling to overcome fear and grow your business, a small business owner looking to create a culture you can be proud of, or an individual looking to take your performance to a new level, this book is for you. Individuals, teams, or leaders who wish to better serve others through enhanced communication and a more optimistic outlook will all benefit from this book.

Why did you choose to write about leadership in a stressful world? In today's fast-paced and highly competitive marketplace, leaders are faced with having to motivate and inspire employees in new ways to retain talent, all while trying to manage their own stress levels in an environment of rapid change. Research shows that 94% of workers are stressed at work, with 33 percent reporting their level of stress as unsustainable.

Stress is a paradox. Our brains are wired in such a way that it's impossible to take any action until we feel at least some level of stress. Performance peaks under the heightened activation that comes with moderate levels of stress, and if the stress isn't prolonged, it's harmless. That's where we run into a problem, as sustained stress starts to break down our health. Resilience fights burnout and employee turnover in organizations, and helps leaders create high performing, resilient teams that are adaptable to change.

Talk a little about the title — “Taming the Sabertooth” — where did that come from? Throughout human history, we have had to deal with physical threats in our environment. When we were running around in the wild and a hungry sabertoothed cat saw us as a delicious snack, we had a split second to decide whether to fight an opponent we stood no chance of defending against, run in the opposite direction, or hide behind a rock attempting to be invisible. This is the fight-flight-freeze response hardwired into our brains that is activated in response to any perceived threat.

Today, the sabertooth looks very different. It takes the form of business competition, shifting marketplaces, and rapid digital transformation. It looks much like an overflowing email inbox, a challenging performance assessment, a difficult client meeting, a conflict with a colleague, or an organizational shift. At home it can be anything from a long commute to an argument with a loved one, to just standing in line at the grocery store when you’re in a rush. All these daily stressors trigger the same response in our primitive brain, as our amygdala, the tiny almond-shaped mass of nuclei located deep within the temporal lobes of our brain responsible for emotional and social processing, is hijacked. Neurons in the amygdala are responsible for fear-conditioning and will activate our fight-flight-freeze response when we sense a threat. Through this activation, our “feeling brain” is cut off from our “thinking brain,” as the prefrontal cortex, responsible for complex processes such as memory, planning, reasoning, and problem-solving shuts down, and our amygdala takes over.

This survival mechanism lets us react to events before the rational brain has time to mull things over. And this automatic fight-flight-freeze response is still mobilized when we perceive any threat. The difference is that in contrast to the physical threats our ancestors encountered that would result in some form of physiological response (fight-flight-freeze), our largely psychological stressors today rarely give us the same opportunity (we can’t have brawls in the boardroom). Our ancestors could shed the cortisol and adrenaline that stress had built up through running or some other form of extreme labor, but today we have no quick way to expend the excess energy and stress hormones generated by our typical response to stress. It’s this constant cycle of sustained mobilization without any release that prolongs psychological stress and causes strain on our cardiovascular and immune systems, spilling into every area of our lives.

So, while our sabertooth has evolved, our response to it hasn’t. The book provides insights into how to harness resilience to overcome the threat that stress poses.

I think when people write books that are meant to give advice or guide people, one of the first questions is, “What makes them the expert?” So, “What makes you the expert?” Ultimately, becoming survivors of a traumatic event that should have taken our lives gave my husband and I both a new perspective and appreciation for life. It also made me curious about resilience. It was a topic I felt called to understand more deeply and to write about in a time when stress and anxiety are increasingly becoming issues in the world.

This need for understanding resilience set me on the path to learn more than I could ever have imagined—going back to school to earn a second bachelor’s degree in psychology, a master’s in organizational development and leadership, and a professional coaching certification—all with the singular focus of learning about a human being’s capability to deal with adversity.

Two decades of experience working across multiple industries on three continents has given me the benefit of dealing with individual and interpersonal issues, communication challenges, and organizational shifts first-hand. Over the years, I developed my Taming the Sabertooth resilience workshop, applying many of the lessons learned through relationships with colleagues and clients that both challenged and inspired me. Working with leaders from the C-suite down through every level of organizations, leveraging positive psychology, neuroscience, and cognitive-behavioral techniques helps individuals, teams and leaders build their resilience muscle and accelerate performance.

I have had the opportunity to learn from leaders from all over the world. And have had the privilege of coaching many of them as they worked to build resilient organizations through clarity, authenticity, and humility. It is incredibly rewarding to help individuals find their voice and increase their performance.

Being a successful leader is not easy, what are some of the biggest mistakes you see people make? Lack of humility. Mother Teresa said, “Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.” Many leaders feel vulnerable asking for help or admitting that they were wrong. But doing so strengthens integrity. Making mistakes is an inevitable part of leadership. As John Wooden said: “If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything.” Leaders who own their mistakes and learn from them gain respect. And when they ask for support, they create opportunities for others to share their talent and creativity and feel pride in helping. Doing so forges a deeper relationship and strengthens trust. Leaders who are willing to ask for help open themselves up to different perspectives, harness the wisdom of their teams, and often find solutions that they otherwise may have missed.

Humble leaders are the ones who can accept their own limitations without defensiveness, cultivate compassion for the limitations of their employees, and set aside their egos for the good of the organization. They recognize that none of us are perfect and believe that others have the capability to work on their limitations by being open to new perspectives, ideas, and advice. Their willingness to be vulnerable, confess their errors, and retrace their steps to correct them (often with the help of others) cultivates inner strength and builds resilience. They are less likely to act aggressively or manipulate or blame others for failures. By taking responsibility for their mistakes and listening to others’ ideas, humble leaders can correct errors without negatively impacting their self-esteem.

When you were working in various positions within Microsoft, what’s a piece of leadership advice that’s in your book that you wish you would have known then? Be willing to embrace epic failure. One of the best ways to encourage employees to constantly learn and grow is to foster a culture that embraces innovation and risk-taking. When I first started working at Microsoft, I felt that failure was something to be avoided at all costs. After all, admitting you messed up is a sign of weakness, right? Wrong.

A culture that is open to mistakes — and allows space to reflect on those mistakes and learn from them — creates a value system around learning. Opening our minds up to the possibilities of change exposes us to a world full of new skills, new opportunities, and new achievements. Demonstrating a high tolerance for mistakes encourages teams to be creative and innovate to solve problems. They experience mistakes as a part of learning, rather than punishment. This enables them to feel safe asking for help when missteps happen. The key is communicating this tolerance for error authentically. I learned this lesson at Microsoft, and it has been one of the most valuable lessons that I took with me as a leader.

Where do you find inspiration? Inspiration is everywhere! One of the premises in the book is around cultivating optimism by harnessing the power of gratitude and wonder. I look for experiences that help me maintain my sense of wonder, appreciate the good in my life, and build those neural pathways to optimism. Wonder is an incredible source of inspiration, when you start to notice the positive aspects of life. G.K. Chesterton, set himself the conscious goal to remain childlike in his sense of wonder and vowed not to succumb to the monotony and boredom that saps so many lives of joy and purpose. In his autobiography, he writes: “One is never lacking in opportunities to be happy, because around every corner is another gift waiting to surprise us, and it will surprise us, if we can achieve control over our natural tendencies to make comparisons, to take things for granted and to feel entitled.”

When did you start writing “Taming the Sabertooth” and when did you finish it? The book existed on scraps of paper and post-it notes for several years. In fact, I created my keynotes and workshops on resilience before I wrote the book, which is unusual because from what I’ve heard from other authors, it’s usually the other way around.

I decided in September 2018 that my experiences with colleagues, clients and friends had given me the ingredients to craft what I believe is a story worth telling. I sent the first draft to the publisher in October 2018.

First thing you ever got published? My first Forbes article — Taming the Sabertooth Tiger: Three Ways to Cope with Stress at Work — was published in March 2018.

One thing you hate about the writing/publishing process? Once I start writing, I find any distractions from the process annoying. I develop a rhythm that takes a while to become established, and it is challenging to return to that rhythm if I am interrupted.

Do you read your book reviews? And do the ones that contain critical advice help you to change the next book? I absolutely do read reviews. Sometimes it’s difficult to appreciate a critical review, but I know that often your biggest critic can also be your greatest fan, so I appreciate the value in criticism. The fact that someone takes the time to review your book, even if it’s painful to read, is an opportunity which can lead to a much better end product next time.

What is one thing people don't know about your writing genre that they need to know? Building resilience requires focus, persistence, and practice. To recover from challenges, we all must be prepared to overcome the unexpected. Resilience isn’t a single skill; it’s a variety of skills and coping mechanisms. We all know fear, disappointment, and heartache. And we all experience joy, optimism, and happiness. The key is knowing that we can discover an entirely new perspective and learn to thrive. And if we are able to change our mindset, each one of us has the power to make a difference for others.

What technology do you use when you’re writing? I use a combination of Word and Notepad. I’ll gather ideas, links to interesting content that I’d like to reference etc. in Notepad and then type up initial thoughts for chapters into the outline of the book in Word. Basically, whatever I have in my hand when inspiration strikes becomes the tool I use – it could be my phone, or my laptop. I’ve taken photos of inspirational quotes or intriguing scenarios around me to foster ideas, and of course, I have a habit of scribbling ideas on post-it notes all over the place!

Do you prefer to read a physical book, or an eBook? I’m old school. I love books! I recently found a beautiful leather-bound and embossed tome with gold edged pages comprising all the Sherlock Holmes stories, which I am excited to read. There’s something very personal and tactile about reading a book. The writer invites you into the world they’re creating, and for me, the feel of the paper, and the weight of the book in my hands are all part of the experience. One of my favorite pastimes is to wander around bookstores and find a new adventure to become lost in!

I do read e-books when I’m on vacation, as I can pack dozens of stories into my Kindle rather than having to carry multiple books. But as a proponent of reducing exposure to back-lit devices whenever possible, my preference will always be for paper.

Do you have a soundtrack when you write? I prefer it quiet when I write. That way I am able to focus on the task at hand.

Must have snack when writing? I generally don’t snack when writing. Incidentally, there’s a discussion on mindless eating in the book. I do however like to have a cup of green tea nearby, as the feel of a warm cup in my hands puts me in the right frame of mind to write.

Did you get an advance on your book? No. I did not receive an advance as I did not publish through a traditional publishing model. Instead I partnered with a hybrid publisher where I own all the rights to my content.

Roadblock you hit when first trying to get published and how you overcame it? Choosing a publisher is challenging. There are so many options out there, ranging from formal publishing houses to hybrid publishers, to self-publishing. I was reluctant to self-publish my first book, and I did not want to give up the copyright to my content as I have similar material in my workshops, keynote speeches, and the companion app to the book. I selected a renowned hybrid publisher who would partner with me through the full formal production, publication and distribution process.

Did you like to read as a child? I have always been a voracious reader. At any given time, I had three or four books on my nightstand, and I was often content to spend my days with my nose buried in a book (or four).

Your favorite childhood book? “The Wind in the Willows,” by Kenneth Grahame. It’s a timeless, beautiful story about friendship, courage, and integrity as four anthropomorphized animals deal with a civil war in a pastoral version of Edwardian England. Interestingly, I would later in life live in the Thames Valley in England, which is said to be the source of the descriptions of the English countryside that are so much a part of the book.

Was there any book that made you want to be a writer? If so, what? Every Agatha Christie book inspires me to be a writer. Her style is succinct and yet packs an incredible amount of information into a single sentence. Her character descriptions are astoundingly rich, as she paints a vivid picture that you cannot help but see in your mind’s eye. Add to this her ingenious plots and unexpected endings, and her books are impossible to put down. Every writer aspires to that kind of talent.

If you could invite three other authors over for a dinner party, who would they be and why? Agatha Christie would obviously be one, for the reasons explained above. I would also love to sit down with Alistair MacLean, who wrote a series of thrillers and adventure stories. His ability to immerse the reader in an unfamiliar environment in fantastic detail kept me enthralled throughout my high school years, and I have re-read his books over and over. The third author is David Eddings, who wrote several fantasy series, the first of which I was introduced to by a school friend on a field trip. Immediately enthralled by his Tolkien-esque ability to build a world filled with danger, wonder and courage, I consumed the first series of 10 books in as many days. His character development is without equal.

Favorite literary hero/villain? Hercule Poirot, Agatha Christie’s Belgian detective. I love the richness and complexity of the character, as he is both a hero as he seeks to save lives by solving crimes, and a villain as his considerable ego gets the better of him.

What is the most important lesson you’ve learned? Don’t worry so much about what others think. Most of us place way too much importance on what other people think about us, or how we perceive what they think about us. How will they judge us? In the moment, we think their opinions are crucial to our future success and happiness. But as you go through life, you realize that not everyone will value and appreciate you as much as you’d like, and c’est la vie. For a writer, this is particularly important, as you’re going to find critics along with admirers of your work. Stop worrying about what other people think. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone thinks they know what’s best for you. If you have a dream, pursue it, and work hard to accomplish it. Lack of success is not failure. Failure is not trying again if you don’t succeed the first time.

What's next for you? What are you working on now? I am working on the audiobook version of “Taming the Sabertooth,” along with crafting my in-person workshop into an online course. My next book is likely to be a continuation of the theme of resilience.

Finally, a piece of advice for alumni aspiring to write and publish a book? It’s easy to think that nobody will be interested in what you have to say. It’s important to remember why you’re writing the book in the first place; it could simply be something you’ve always wanted to do, or you may want to help others overcome some kind of challenge by sharing your own story. Find supporters who will encourage you on the journey. Writing is an incredibly personal experience, and you may find along the way that you lose sight of why you’re doing it. That’s when you need to lean on your support system to keep you motivated to finish.

To learn more about Tracey and her book, visit: puresymmetry.com